I spent the past several days falling in love again with our one-year old granddaughter, Ava.  She and her mom and dad flew in from Portland, Oregon to help celebrate my in-laws’ 60th wedding anniversary, my 65th birthday and of course, Ava’s very first birthday.  For the most part, the majority of time was spent sitting around and marveling at this beautiful and intelligent new addition to our family. 

Watching Ava grow and learn, even in the short time she was here, made me wonder about her soul.  I believe she has one, but I ponder when did she get it.  At inception? At birth? Somewhere in between?  And, how does her soul relate to her as a growing person?  Is the soul fully formed in a child and only waiting for our intellect to catch up?

These are questions many have been grappling with for centuries.  The literature is full of articles, and treatises on the issue of whether mankind is imbued with an eternal soul and how that does or does not play out in day to day life.   I believe that each of us must find our own answer to this fundamental question; one that resonates as truth to us; one we can rely on because we found the answer through our own journey, rather than accept some dogma or belief from an ancient religion.  I suppose that’s the Quaker part of me.

As I approach this question, here are some foundational truths in which I believe:  Each soul is a unique expression of the individual and it will survive beyond death.  Like Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, I believe that we are – at our core – a spiritual being living in a temporal body.  These are beliefs I have consistently held for quite some time. Where I am less certain is how or whether our souls relate to God and whether the soul is eternal, meaning it has always been and will always be.

It seems to me that the question of whether the soul is eternal is linked intimately the question of how the soul relates to God.   If the soul is not eternal, then it appears that the function of the soul might be to serve as a conduit to God.  One could think of the soul as the cosmic receiver of the message of God.  This reminds me of the Sistine Chapel painting by Michelangelo depicting the creation of Adam where God is reaching out his finger, nearly touching the finger of Adam: the transmission of soul from God to man.  (By the way, I don’t think of God as a person as shown in this painting.  I use the pronoun “he” only for convenience.  To me, God is energy, light, wisdom, and love).

The other possibility is that the soul is the very essence of God, reflecting all his love, mercy and wisdom into each of us (if we would only listen).  It is easier to believe that the soul is merely a conduit to God and is not the essence of God.  If the soul is God’s essence, then we would have to accept the idea that each of us is a son or daughter of God. 

If our souls are God expressing himself as each of us, then all the gifts of God are gifts we possess. If God is an expression of life and love and is brimming with beauty, creativity, joy, wonder and oneness, then that is what we are meant to be.  It is not that we are a mere reflection of God.  Rather, God is projecting himself as us! How special is that? 

This idea that the soul is God’s projection of each of us brings to mind the poem by Gerard Manly Hopkins, As Kingfishers Catch Fire and that pinnacle phrase within the poem which extolls: “What I do is me: for that I came.”  That phrase conveys the idea that we come into being for the express purpose of uniquely experiencing the world as who we are. 

Are we an expression of God, wanting to see the world from our perspective or are we independent beings who are simply hot-wired to God through our soul?  No one can really say for sure.  But what I do know is this: that I and Ava and each of us is unique to all the universe and through all of time.   The world seen through our eyes is a world that can’t be seen by anyone else. 
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Watching Ava play and take her first steps, I just knew she was precious and loving and unique.  But, until I pondered the richness of her soul, I didn’t realize the full uniqueness and wonder of this child.  Ava – like each of us – is a beloved child of God.

I have been feeling a bit vulnerable recently.  When someone challenges or questions something I say, I start to take it personally.  When I make a minor mistake, or don’t do well in sailing competition, I begin to get down on myself.  Part of it I believe, is the aftermath of my wife Jennie’s diagnosis of endometrial cancer.  The roller coaster ride of a cancer diagnosis on the entire family can be overwhelming.  Jennie was operated on and the surgeon is “90% sure” she got all the cancer and didn’t recommend chemotherapy or radiation follow up.  Jennie has returned to work now, and is getting back into her workout routines.  Part of my “pop psychology” diagnosis of this sense of vulnerability is the belief that I had to remain strong for Jennie as we worked through her cancer diagnosis and surgery and now that it seems like we have some breathing space, I can let down. 

My other thought of why I may be feeling vulnerable is that I’m not praying enough.  Bear with me as I explain.  For the past 18 months or so, I have tried to spend at least 30 minutes a day in contemplative prayer, followed up with journaling.  The contemplative prayer helps to center me and the journaling provides some insight and clarity on my inner journey.  I have come to cherish this time in prayer and reflection, but with the turmoil of Jennie’s diagnosis, I found it difficult to stick to the routine even though I knew it was something that would be helpful.

As they say, the biggest part of solving a problem is in accurately naming it.  I’ve been feeling down, but didn’t spend any time in trying to understand why.  As my sensitivity heightened over any small slight, I knew there was something out of kilter and that I should spend some time figuring out what was at the core of my feelings or watch helplessly as the downward spiral intensified.

As I watched my actions and assessed my feelings and reactions, I came to the realization that I was caught in a “me against you” battle that was all in my head.  In spiritual terms, I had trapped myself in a dualistic mode of thinking.   I had let my ego take over.   I am getting better at spotting those moments in myself when duality takes over and unity is pushed aside.  I know where to look for answers when I find pettiness, personal slights, self-doubt beginning to overwhelm me and take over my thought process. 

So, with the realization that I had – again – fallen into the ego/duality trap, I offered this knowledge up to prayer and journaling.  I offered up my pettiness to God.  I offered up my self-doubt to God.  I offered up my vulnerability to God.  Then, when I was done praying, I let it all be and went about my daily business.  And then I heard a song.

I have been a musician (of sorts) for most of my life.  I can play a passable folk-rock guitar and rock and roll piano, and am trying to learn how to play jazz.  Because music is important to me, I have also come to realize that it is through music that I hear the whisper of God in my soul.  What usually happens is that I will hear a song in my head and know – intuitively - that it is coming from the deepest recesses of my being. And, that is what happened yesterday. 

As I was making lunch, the Bill Withers song Lean on Me popped into my head and kept looping around my thoughts throughout the early afternoon.  It isn’t like the song jumped into my head and I had a flash of understanding.  It is more that I heard the song, or snippets of the song in my head.  Then I heard it again.  Then again during the course of the afternoon.  And finally, I realized what was happening.  I was receiving a message:  You can let go of your load.  You can lean on me.  I will help you carry it.  I had to laugh.   God certainly has a sense of humor and he surely knows how to get a message through to me, thick as I may be sometimes.
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The big picture message for me is this:  cherish and protect my daily prayer and reflection routine.  Watch out for when my ego begins to overwhelm my thoughts and feelings and listen for and trust the quiet, inner voice of God.  I know this will help me.  I share it with the hope that something resonates and will help you.  At the very least, maybe you will pay closer attention to the tunes playing inside your head.

The Republican health care proposal reminds me of one of those 1950s westerns like Shane, where the greedy cattle baron hires a gang of thugs to harass and even murder the struggling homesteaders so that the baron can steal their land and expand his empire.

What the Republicans are planning to do is the same as the cattle barons and it needs to be called out for what it is:  theft and murder.  Because it is done with a piece of legislation doesn’t make it any more right or any less lethal than if it was carried out with thugs carrying guns.

I cannot fathom how anyone with a heart or a conscience can possibly vote for either version of the Republican plan that throws up to 24 million people out of health care coverage and decreases Medicaid by $800 Billion to fund tax cuts for the wealthy.

Reputable studies predict that tens of thousands of people will needlessly die each year as a result of the Republican health care changes.  Please tell me how anyone can vote for this bill knowing that so many will suffer and die as a result.  Supporters of plan like to pretend that this won’t happen, but the evidence is abundantly clear to the contrary. 

In defense of their plan, Republicans like to say that the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) is failing and something needs to be done.  Obamacare is not failing, but it does need to be enhanced.  Unfortunately, the Republican approach to this problem is akin to taking your car to the auto shop to fix a flat tire, only to have your mechanic come out and tell you that they repaired the tire, but they had to remove the motor, figuring you can get along just fine without it if you find someone to push your car to wherever you want to go.

It is clear that the Republican health care plan isn’t at all about health care.  It is about stealing Medicaid benefits away from the poor in order to provide unneeded dollars to the wealthy.  It is about taking health care away from millions of people without acknowledging or perhaps without even caring that tens of thousands will die each year as a result. 

This is a social sin of the highest magnitude.  I don’t say this with hyperbole.  I say it because tens of thousands of people will die EACH YEAR as a result of this pending decision.  I know I’m repeating myself, but this is a big deal.  To put this in perspective, the Bradley Center in the city of Milwaukee holds just over 19,000 people.  I think there would be a significant outrage if 19,000 people were marched into the Bradley Center each year and then killed.  Year after year.   So why not the same outrage over the Republican proposal that will produce the same result?

Writers of the letter of Romans in the New Testament tell us that where there is great sin, there is also abundant grace.  I am trying to see the abundant grace in this situation.  Perhaps it is found in the care and camaraderie shown for those whose lives will be threatened when they lose their health care.  Perhaps it is in the vast numbers of people who are standing up to these legislators and demanding that they walk away from this atrocity of a health care plan.
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As I have written previously, the kingdom of God will only manifest itself through our actions.  We can’t pray and wait for divine intervention on this.  We can’t sit around waiting for someone like Shane to show up and save us.  Our future is in our own hands. 

Call your legislators and tell them that they will be held accountable for the theft of Medicaid from the poor and the murder of tens of thousands who will die each year from their actions.  Theft and murder through a vote has the same impact on the innocent as theft and murder from a gun.  Only, the perpetrator with the gun is honest about his intent.